Journey to Skinnyville

You all missed me?

hehe. Well, I'm glad tobe back home. I was gone for a week to Chicago and, though it sounds just awesome, it was the worst time of my entire life! Let me explain: My brother, Lenny, thinks he has the perfect cure to make me not want to lose weigh. He took me to fastfood places for breakfast and lunch everyday for a whole week!!!!!!! He didn't let me excercise more than an hour :/ I gained 3 pounds. 3 POUNDS!!! UGH!

CW:118
GW:110
GW2:105
GW3:95

This will not ruin my plans. I'm going HARDCORE! Fast for a week starting tomorrow. Hardcore restricting, 100 max a day, for the whole summer. I will, I MUST, be 95 by the beginning of the school year. If I'm not, I won't even bother! I'll just kill myself! There's no point in living like the ugly, fat pig that I am :(

 

Oh god, I feel soo horrible.
Please, please, I need people to talk to :(

Help me through this!
 

Love,  Candy.

Okay. So, you probably already guessed :D I'm 115 pounds! OMG! I'm soo happy you have no freaking idea. I've been working soooo hard and it's nice to finally see some results! I got past 120. Soon I'll be past 110. Then past 100 and then I'll be beautilful :) So beautiful!

I did good today. Except my mom started to talk about me with my sister and they sat me down and started talking to me about anorexia. I got scared and thought they'd found out about my blog or something. But they were just being stupid because I look great now and look thin. They always do this. Whenever I'm happy about something they try and ruin it! Not this time. No way! I'm going to be thin and whether they like it or not! They'll have to push food down my throat before I break my diet.

I think they'll adjust. Soon. I hope (sigh).

STAY STRONG!
 

Love, Candy.

116.2
116.2
116.2
116.2

I can't believe it!
But it's so!
Five pouds! Gone! Gone! Gone! :D In less than a week.
I'm soo close I can taste the beauty! I'm soooo happy!

So, today:

Well. I woke up just fine. Ready to eat nothing over 100. So pumped! But my mom ate the last of my whole grain bread and all that was left was the one that is 100-cals-per-slice bread! But I ate it anyways so I did the math and it was 300 hundred calories for breakfast. Then We had this experiment in class involving Oreo cookies! Needless to say, I ate about three and I assumed it was like 350. Plus I had some juice. So I made that 400 :(

But, I worked out on the gym for an hour and a half and burned 400 cals :D Then came home and did my dance video workout for thirty minutes so that;s like 100 calories more burned. And tonight I'm dancing for an hour which is like 200 more. So that's making up for it :D I'm going to be way more strict from no on. Me and my mom are going shopping tomorow for groceries and I'll by super low-fat stuff like Special K and Vitamin Water 10. Those are great! :D I'm also only eating 150 cals tomorow. Then I'm fasting on Sunday. And getting back to 100 on Monday.


I'm more determined than ever!
Summer 09, here I come :D

STAY, FREAKING, STRONG!

Love, Candy!

Today was great!

I only ate about 100 calories.

100-calorie Diet: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

I've lots some more weigh, but not alot since I messed up last week. I'm making up for it though, with this strict diet. I actually ate breakfast today. I had wheat bread, one slice = 50 cals. A boiled egg, only the whites = 15-17 cals. And a cup of coffee with a spoon of powedered milk and Splenda sugar = 26. Not even 100 calories! And it was sooo yumy and since I drank lots of water before I ate this it kept me full for a while.

I spent an hour on the tredmill but took it easy so I only burned 310 calories. But then I danced for 45 minutes and I found out that, according to my weight, I burned 222 calories. So I'm happy about that. I've been drinking ice water becayse it's supposed to make your body burn extra calories. One cup = 8 calories. I'm starting with four cups but then I'll start drinking eight. Every calorie counts.

Wish me luck girls! I'm on my way to Skinnyville.
And no detours!

STAY STRONG!

Love, Candy.

mood: happy

I've gained soo much support in this site. You're all so sweet and caring, it really makes me feel suported and now I know I'm never alone in this :D So, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Fast: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8  (End)

Today, I woke up , took my vitamin and drank lots and lots of water before I ate a slice of lowfat bread = 50, with a little butter = 15 (give or take), and coffee (black) = 6. Less than a hundred calories! :D And I felt full for most of the morning. I had no lunch, of course. I flushed that down the toilet :P A little later I went to the gym and burned of 450 calories ( I'm working on 500 calories an hour). Then I came home and ate a very small apple without the skin, raw and cut it into very tiny pieces so that it takes me some time to get through it (it makes me feel like I ate alot).

This afternoon I almost ate an ice-cream! I was so fortunate to have my iPod in my purse :) I went through the thinspo pics I have on my iPod and found the motivation to decline my friend's offer. They didn't seem to think it was strange, even if they did I would not have cared very much. My mom, though, has started getting on my nerves. Since I'm losing weight quickly, she's trying to see if I'm eating well. I've been able to fool her so far but she wants to weigh me to see if she thinks I'm too thin, which I know she'll think I am because we have very different ideas of how thin I should be. But she can't make me do anything! If she wants me to eat, she'll have to buy me diet pills and I'll probably just OD anyways!
 
She just doesn't understand.

She's not like you guys! You're all so nice and understanding. I'm glad I found this site. Otherwise I'd still be lost in a world where I thought I didn't belong. 

 
Soon I'll know my latest statistics (cw).
And I'll update you guys on it.
Well, til morrow ladies.

STAY STRONG!

Love, Candy.

mood: excited

My name's Candy. Most people think it's cute but I can't stand it, so I prefer to be called Candice. I'm knew at this whole, webjournal thing, so if you're reading this, be my friend :) I'm young, young enough to be under the constant and unforgiving control of the adults around me, but old enough to be utterly sick of it! I'll be independent soon. Then no one will stop me from being who I want to be and doing everything I've dreamed of. By the way, this is a pro-anorexia journal. It's an ugly word really, and I prefer not to use it, but I'm anorexic. I joined this website for support and to be able to talk with other people who I can relate to and share tips with. But, if you're reading this and aren't one, then don't bother making me aware of your stand on the subject. You couldn't possibly understand and I won't be convinced by some angry e-mail or some stupid attempt to make me "normal" or whatever.

My therapists does enough of that and she'd like to keep her job, if you don't mind.

I'm fasting currently. It will take a while to be where I want to, but nothing's going to stop me. NOTHING. I've succefully been able to hide everything from my mom and everybody. She thinks I'm eating well and that my loss of weight is simply do to my nutritious diet and exercise. Ha! Right. I'm 5'2 and something close to 125 pounds by the way. I hate it! The fat around my stomach and my thighs. I disgust myself! I can't look in the mirror without wanting to cut it all off!

I didn't want to start puking everything I ate. Though it seems easily controlled, it gets hard to keep your focuse when you have no idea what you're doing. It's easier for me to just eat little to nothing. I eat about 150-200 calories a day. I could eat more, but I only have an hour to excersise because my mom comes and gets me out of the gym whenever she thinks I'm over-exercising. It really sucks. I have to work harder and harder to burn off at least 400 calories everyday.

Today I woke up dizzy and weak. I drank a cup of (orange juice = 60) just to get some sugar in my blood and laid down for a little while. School was brutal! I was sooo tired and cold. I just wanted to be home and lay down but I knew I'd have to write today. I've wanted to do this for a while but just been too lazy. I'll have to go work out in a few minutes. Add me! Be my friend and we'll support eachother!

Remember, strong/empty/strong :]